He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
