Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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