I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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