just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
