Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
