I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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