The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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