All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
