So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
