Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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