3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
