hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
