Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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