Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
