Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
