his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
