Only a mothe r could love this liver
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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