I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
