I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
