What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
