Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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