we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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