Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
