so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
