on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
