I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
