So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
