We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
