some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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