Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize