I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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