I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
should my penis look like a turkey
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
