I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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