I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm like, not good at living.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
