I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
