I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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