i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
