My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
another moral hangover. fuck.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
