how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
