A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
