found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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