eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
