All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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