Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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