all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
