please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I supernannyed him into submission
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
