Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it hurts more in the daytime
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
