i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
