What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
