Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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