if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
