a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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