i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
