Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
