party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
