WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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