i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
