This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
