Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
