I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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