I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
