he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize