He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
