i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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