defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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