What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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