Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize