chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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