Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
