My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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