Cold hands, warm shart.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize