Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
