It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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