Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
