I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
