I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
