Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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