so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
