I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
