just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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