I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I could fuck to npr.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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