Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
