Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
