Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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