I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
