I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
