fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
