There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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