I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
