and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
