I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
