You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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