I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
