Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
