great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
