why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
