I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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