Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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